The maid of honor just puked.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
