i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize