i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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