3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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