you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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