Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
