i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
