A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
