ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
