I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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