I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
