I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
