I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
