BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize