you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
