I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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