Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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