I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
