We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
