Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
