hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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