My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize