i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
