She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
