Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
