I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
