Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
