Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
