I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Someone shattered a urinal.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
