i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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