she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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