i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
