party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
