do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
