i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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