wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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