I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
