Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
