We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize