Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
im on a boat
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