Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize