Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
