watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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