Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he puts the penis in happiness.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
