I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
