you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
