she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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