i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
whose parrot is this?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
