So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
