I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm both gender and math confused
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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