Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
