my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
