The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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