am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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