I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
