I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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