Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
