i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
