peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize