so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
