Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize