My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
