My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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