I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
