this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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