dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
