On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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