I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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