I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
