you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
