Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
