you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
