ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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